A storm approaching

The life of Judy Garland was a stormy one. Used and abused by many around her, she fought valiantly against her terrible insecurities and drug addictions. The more she reached out, the more she was rejected. She never had the confidence that most people seem to have inside them, despite her obvious charisma and sense of humour. We knew she was funny, talented, intelligent and generous to a fault, but she herself did not know that. She never felt beautiful, or sexy or desirable. "The summer flower is to the summer sweet, though to itself it only live and die," as Shakespeare said.

Maybe if Judy had found the ability to see herself as others see her, she would have been even more dynamic, happier. She might even have overcome her reliance on pills and lived to see her beloved children grow up. But the pills were a necessary escape from the horrors of reality, and the pills came to control her life; she couldn't do without them. How could she function without them? She'd tried nights without them, but not taking pills resulted in utterly harrowing escapes from suicide and self-hatred. Instead of sleeping naturally, as most people do, Judy fought the night demons with grit and courage to the end. Her precious pills transported her to the Land of Nod, when the world was cold and dark, and the end of the rainbow could not be seen.

I hope she's in a sweeter valley now. And I hope she found her Paradise where "happy little bluebirds fly", with a devoted companion by her side.